If you know me well, you know that if I say I’m done. I AM TOTALLY DONE! I’ve had a couple days of feeling like I am totally done. Do you have those days? I laid in bed all night pondering what I was totally done with. I know that sounds crazy, but I was unsettled with my feeling of done-ness. Even though that is not a real word, that is the best word to describe what I felt.

After a restless night, I can say that I am not feeling done with life. I will be happy when I get to see my Lord, but I know that by the very breath coming out of my lungs that He is not done with me yet.

It’s not the sadness that comes with having a sickness that cannot be cured. It’s not mourning over what I cannot do or thinking of things I may miss in my future because of my limitations. I know that God will use me as He sees fit and that In Him I am fulfilled and will find more fulfillment than I ever could on my own.

It’s not the constant bombardment of “things” that I am faced with that I feel I need to do, or that I can’t do. The constant reminders of where my body is at this moment and the constant race to try to “fix” what is wrong at that moment. Or maybe the long draining process of test after test that in the end revel nothing useful.

What is it then? Why am I DONE and what am I exactly DONE with?

I am done with not being prepared for the spiritual warfare that I face! When everything is striped away, this is what is reveled. So what do I do with that overwhelming chunk of information? Do I just throw it on the pile with everything else that is just too much?

As I see it I have two choices. I can throw it on the ever growing pile of things I can’t or don’t want to deal with or fix, or I can do what I can to push back against the problem.

I am going to push back. I am a child of God who feels the urge to reach out to anyone I can help. I already know that I have God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I know that the enemy simply wants to derail me. He wants me distracted and that is exactly where I find myself when a symptom flares up. God told Cain that the enemy was crouching like a lion ready to pounce. The enemy is still doing that all these years later. He is just waiting for a way in, he is waiting for my resolve to flounder, he is waiting for me to let the worry, fear, sadness, loneliness, frustration, etc in.

He pushes down on me and waits for the right moment and then I feel almost crushed. I say almost because God never lets me get crushed. He gently reminds me that I have taken my eye off of Him and that He is stronger than the enemy will ever be. He gives me a “day one” again where I feel that I am restored in my resolve and I find myself marching forward with Him within me.

Knowing the Bible and putting what you learn to use are different things. I have read the Bible many times. I have graduated with a degree in theology, a minor in Christian ministries, and a minor in Christian life coaching. All of that learning is great, but putting it to use in my life when the time calls for it is my challenge. On my good days I’m ready for the fight, I am ready to push back with scripture, prayer, and meditation. It’s on my sick days that I struggle. It’s the days That my energy level is non existent. It’s the days I that even a shower is beyond my wildest dreams. It’s the days that I cannot walk, or grab something. It’s the days I get lost and cannot remember how to get home. It’s the days my body hurts and the aches are relentless. These are the days that my push back fails. Instead of leaning on God I just lay there and cry or stare off into space. These are the days that just pass by and I cannot wait for the day, week, or month to be over.

It’s these days that I give the enemy an in. When in fact these are the days I need to pushback the most. Spiritual warfare is something all Christians face. I know that I am struggling the most with this when I am feeling not well. I want this to change and there may be others who find themselves struggling in this area as well. The best place to look for answers is the Bible.

I would like to invite you to a behind the scenes look at my journey as I use the Bible, prayer, and meditation to learn to fight when I get knocked down. I can assure you it will not always be pretty. Most likely it will be filled with raw emotions as I grow in my faith and Christlikeness. Please join me in prayer that God will give words to my feelings, help me to write, and that others will find encouragement in these posts.