I am diving back into the world of medical test. It has been 16 months since my last flare up and I am still making my way back to feeling healthy. I’ve taken 2 whole months off from testing. I really needed a break. Every week for 14 months I visited one of the doctors of what I lovingly call “Team Faith” to have some sort of procedure completed. I found peace during my 2 month break. The world around me had calmed down. It was nice not to be waiting for test results. I am finding that I am very thankful for the newest doctor recently added to my team. I however was not ready for the flood of emotions after my first visit. 

I am so blessed by God and His wisdom. I have learned so much during this time in my life. When I was well I had a hard time being still. Now I have a hard time being active. This has turned my world upside down, but it has been a blessing. I am not mad or upset in anyway that my body has this unnamed mountain to climb. I am thankful that I am growing in my faith. I am thankful that I am now sensitive to others who struggle with their health. I am thankful that I am slower nowadays so that I see the world around me differently. I am thankful that I now appreciate each day as a gift and do not take one minute for granted. I am thankful that I now understand that every breath we take is precious and what we do with those breaths matters. I am thankful that I now realize my worth is not in the physical things I can accomplish but in the joy I bring to others. In all of this I have realized that even if I can not walk or talk, God still is using me in the lives of others. 

This life I am living is hard, I won’t sugar coat it.  I have a choice. I can wallow in self pity sinking into a dark pit of depression filled with the rather large list of what I can’t do or I can embrace what I can do. I can choose to use whatever motor activity I have to love those around me. Everyday is different for me and my level of activity has a wide range. This being the case, a choice is made every morning. How can I best be used that day? Relying on God’s guidance is the only way I can make these decisions. Believe me there are mornings where I want to throw in the towel. 

It’s during these times that God reminds me that suffering produces faith. Suffering teaches us to persevere. Suffering shows us what we are made of, we discover more about ourselves than we realized. Suffering are glorifies God. To get through each day I am totally dependent on Him. Each time I overcome and accomplish something that I knew would push me to my limit, God is glorified. I never would have even tried on my own, but through Christ I can accomplish all things placed before me. How I go about them will most likely be out of the ordinary, but really who wants to be ordinary. 😉 

Emotions are high at times and God has given me an amazing husband. He is my personal encourager who reminds me when I start to veer off track in my thinking. It’s important to let the people around you encourage you as you deal with a long term sickness. I started by shutting people out, but trying to deal with all the baggage that comes with major diseases is overwhelming. There are just some bags you need to not unpack and it’s nice to have friends and family there to remind you to leave the worry and “what ifs” packed away. It’s more precious than gold to be reminded that God has a plan for your life and you are living it right now. You haven’t somehow veered off track. You are right where you need to be. God is all powerful. There is absolutely no way that you have slipped by Him or overpowered Him and went your own way. He’s the creator of the universe and we are just not that mighty all by ourselves. He wasn’t caught of guard by our sickness, He wasn’t surprised in the least bit. This is all part of a well thought out plan to bring Him glory and for us to impact those around us for Christ. Along the way we will be molded and shaped into our hearts desire, to be like Christ. 

It’s a difficult road, but nowhere near as difficult as the road Christ walked to become our Savior. He was blameless and suffered so much. He was innocent but took on our sins. He embraced the plan for His life and as a result we now have eternal life. Not everything is as it seems at the time. Look at how Christs last days look from the outside but what a beautiful outcome they had. I for one will gladly suffer everyday of my life if even just one person comes to know Christ through the example of my life. I pray I reflect Christ through all the ups as well as the downs.  Eternal life is the most precious gift of all and it came through Christ. 

Walking though sickness is hard. There are so many people who are experiencing a wide range of challenges. It’s tough at times and a little bit easier at other times. My encouragement to you is to keep your mind focused on God. Focus on the things you can do and pack up the things you can’t do and stop letting them steal your joy. Let God guide you in a new direction of purpose, embracing the things you can do. You just may find yourself in a whole new adventure you never dreamed was possible. 

God bless you my friends, may we forever be at His feet focusing on the words of life that He speaks.