Written by a dear Sister in Christ
In October of 2010 I lost a dear friend to a car accident. I was devastated, mad at God and diving into a deep depression. I had so many questions… she was such a God-loving women with the rest of her life to live, why her? Why did her husband live? Why did He rob her husband’s memory of her? I started smoking and drinking to numb the pain and questioning everything I know about my religion. After a few months my husband confronted me about my depression and I realized I was not coping well and needed help. I went to the only place I felt safe and wouldn’t be judged, my pastor. He helped get me set up with the two wonderful ladies running the Stephen Ministries at church who interviewed me to find out a little more about me. Just talking about it to these ladies felt like a weight was lifted off of me. They said they would try to match me with a Stephen Minister that would match my personality and circumstances. The lady they matched me up with seemed to be very nice, I wasn’t sure what to expect. It was a little awkward at first; I mean how is some lady I don’t know from church going to help me? I tried to be honest with her about my feelings, frustrations, and devastation. The more we talked and met the more comfortable I felt around her. However, depression is a cruel disease and it seemed that when I got really depressed I would drink more and go into seclusion. Sometimes I would avoid her calls for a week or two because I didn’t want to deal with my feelings. She was so fervent in calling me, sending me messages, and praying for me (even if I didn’t respond). And when we talked I actually told her that I was shutting everyone out and that if I did, that is when I really needed her. I have no clue why I let her know my weakness other than it was God working in me. Why did I feel so comfortable talking to this “stranger” about things I would not even talk to my husband about? The truth was the more we talked, the more I realized she wasn’t a stranger at all. She helped me work through my faith, and a way out of my depression by sharing her life experiences with me to help me realize that she had been through some of the same things I was going through. It turns out that we had so many things in common; things no one could have predicted expect God. God sent her to me to save me and lead me back to Him. And she knew exactly when to push a little to keep me on track whether it was a request for a one on one or a phone call just to let me know she was praying. I vented to her about things and cried on her shoulder many times. She showered me with unconditional love through everything she did for me.
In June of the following year, I found out I was pregnant. When I told her, she cried just as much as my mom did because she was so happy for me. I think she knew that it would be the one thing that would jump start my relationship with God again. And she was so right. I started listening to the bible on my way to and from work and praying more. Tried to go to church more, but it still was not regularly. She would find a way to let me know when I was on the right track and when I was falling back into old habits. She was there every step of the way, even at the hospital when our baby boy was born. So many things were happening in my life, good and bad, and she was my constant through all of it. She would always say “I am here for you! So tell me what I can do!” And I knew she meant every word of it. She would come over just so I could eat or take a nap. After my son got baptized (which happened to be on her birthday the following year) I felt God tugging at my heart to find a church home. My marriage was in trouble and I was struggling to feel God’s presence in my life. I went to see my God-daughter get baptized and that day God called me to Him! About a month later I rededicated my life to Jesus and joined the church that my God daughter and best friend’s family attended. I was so excited to tell my Stephen minister, but then wondered if she would be sad I was leaving the church where we had met. She said she had been waiting so long to hear me say that and that if it is God’s will I have to follow. And as long as I was praising Jesus it didn’t matter what church I was attending!
It is amazing how humble and forgiving our God is all the time. Through a women’s bible study I was finally able to see answers to some of the questions I had after that horrible night. First; the car crash was an accident, but God called my friend to be with Him. Two; her husband (who I know for a fact was not saved, though he did go to church) was saved from death to allow him more time to find Jesus. Three; He erased the husband’s memory so he would not live with survivors guilt. Fourth; I believe her death was the first step to me finding my way back to Jesus!
Of course the second step was finding my Stephen Minister. The work they do is led by God because only He would have known that she would lead me back to Him! We have leaned on each other through the last few years and will continue to be there for each other through good and bad. My family and I call her my angel, because we all realize the God sent her to save me! And yes she is part of my family now and forever. I now teach Sunday school at our church and am involved with the Wednesday night kids worship. My son is growing up in the church and loves learning and reading from his children’s bible (or Jesus Book as he calls it). One of the hardest things I’ve ever done is to ask for help, but it was one of the most rewarding things I have ever done in my life. If you are struggling with something in your life right now, pray to God for the courage to ask for help! The Stephen Ministry is a safe place to find the help you need without exposing yourself to judgement or shame. You will find hope, love, Christ and a life-long friend.
Foot of Grace 